Okay, first, it's not a PWP, or smut, but regular old Cat, putting in an appearance. Blame the Dragin. She put this bloody idea in my head when she came to visit, and reinforced it by encouraging me to listen to the bloody song during our twenty hour drive to Texas (furball doesn't generally do country) and that helped to put pictures in my head. Hope you enjoy.
This one is for Kadith, my buddy, my friend, and my kindred spirit. For the first time in a long time, I made and impulsive decision, didn't weight the consequences, or worry about the little things, and had the time of my life. I remembered what it was to be young and enjoy it, with pillow fights, and midnight talks in the dark, sharing secrets and dreams and ideas. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't ready to go home... Thanks.
Disclaimer: If only it were mine....
The song is You Had Me From Hello by Kenny Chesney.
Choices
PG
One word, that's all you said, something in your voice caused me to turn my head. Your smile, just captured me. You were in my future as far as I could see. And I don't know how it happened but it happened still, you asked me if I loved you, if I always will...
It seems when I look back on my life I see a roadmap of what should have beens and could bes. I always thought that when you opened that memory file in your head, you saw the things that were important to you, the things that made a difference in your life. I see a series of decisions that have so radically altered my life that I can no longer decide if they were rights or wrongs.
So why am I wandering down the halls of this ship, my hands trailing along the gleaming sides? Because, for once I need to make another decision. Do I act on the love that shines from that beloved face? Do I push, demand my way, or slip silently from the possibilities into... nothing... friendship? Do I temper my heart with gentle understanding, trying to fulfill both our needs, or do I run from my feelings once more and just exist? What do we have anyway? A beautiful friendship, an understanding. Is that what I want? What we want? Need? And if the love I read is not real, or not as I perceive, will I ruin everything? Why make this decision now at all? It's been so long, we both accept it, why change? Because... because its there. It's real. As real as a touch and a smile. Always there in the mind, enforcing and corroding, a contradiction and completion.
Inside, I built a wall. So high around my heart I thought I'd never fall. One touch, you brought it down. The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground. And I swore to me I was never gonna love again the last time was the last time, I'd let someone in...
I'm deluding myself if I think this is the first time I've thought about it. Hell, it's been on my mind since the moment I saw that beautiful face on the viewscreen. So arrogant, so controlled, so strong, so... perfect. I tried to deny it, even after we began to work with one another. All the humor and flirtation, light touches, and shy smiles. When did we form that perfect sync? That ability to read one another's moods? Counselor and counseled, companion, and friend. Then there was New Earth, and though I was scared, I heard everything that was said, and unsaid, and for the first time in a long time I felt that true tug of possibility, only to have those hopes dashed, just as I was ready to make that jump. But, it seems we have played this game of ebb and flow, never-ending like the tide, sometimes dangerously flooding over the shoreline, and at others falling back, allowing that which is hidden to have a chance to show. Always questioning, always afraid to move.
Well, you had me from hello, I felt love start to grow, the moment I looked into your eyes. You own me... It was over from the start, you completely stole my heart, and now you won't let go. I never even had a chance you know, You had me from hello. That's all you said, something in your voice caused me to turn my head. You had me from hello...
I stand here now, before your door, uncertain. I have been burned by love so many times. Hell, you've even burned me once or twice, though I tired not to let it show. But somehow, the memory of last night calls to me to make one more decision, one more choice, despite my doubts and fears. Last night... Another of those glorious morale boosters of Neelix's that we had to attend. And yet, as the music played, a beautiful tune that Tom found in his twentieth century database, we gravitated together and I felt your arms around me and I floated, hearing the words, knowing their very rightness in my heart, seeing their truth as my own. When the music died, I pulled back and looked into your eyes, and saw it all there. So here I am, trying to make a choice, between what we have and what we could have, and I know there is no choice.
My hand shakes as I ring the doorbell. I can't believe how quickly you answer, seeing as how it's 4am. I'm not surprised though. I see the recognition in your eyes. This is not a social visit. You see the determination, recognize it, accept it, and know the time has come to make a choice. Will you take this jump with me, or will you leave? I have no choice. "Hello...I..."
"What... Come in."
I step through the door and stare down at you as if everything I need to live exists in you. It does. I smile slightly as you adjust your robe, and then you met my eyes again, and once more I see recognition. My hands reach out to take your own. I can't stop myself as the words come tumbling out. "When I held you in my arms and allowed the words of that song to float through my mind; when I read your soul in your eyes, I knew then that you were mine. Ah hell, I'm ruining this. I love you, have always loved you. Please give us a chance?"
I can't believe it when you smile, that beautiful smile and lean in a kiss my lightly on the mouth. "Ah Kathryn..., you had me from hello."
I smile then, warmth racing through my blood, and I know that what I saw and felt was real, and that while this may not be the smartest decision I made, we'll see it through together. I pull you in my arms, and kiss you, feeling it all returned to me in your every response. Once more you pull back. "I felt it, saw it, heard it too. I love you, too."
My world is complete, and my I know my choice is the right one, for us.
~Fin