Okay, who to blame this one on… Furball on drugs? Actually we can blame my pain meds which are keeping me awake at 4 am. Also we have to thank the Cranberries and their song Electric Blue off of their Faithfully Departed album. Fuzzball has been listening to some funky stuff for the last few days and this one literally reached out and grabbed me. Complete fluff, but it's been a while so enjoy.

Standard disclaimers: If they were mine……

The Truth of Your Eyes

PG  by Cat

*Electric blue eyes, where did you come from? Electric blue eyes who sent you?

When did I first realize that I was in love with you? Was it the first moment I saw you over that viewscreen? The first moment I realized you were dedicated to your crew and mine? When I saw you trying desperately to fit in and to help the crew adjust? When I saw the woman beneath the Captain? Or the Captain in the woman? You have fascinated me from that first moment. Those beautiful eyes of yours, so full of everything, so expressive, conveying all. I have seen you in anger, rage blossoming your cheeks to a vibrant hue, eyes flashing their fury. I have seen deepest compassion, tearfilled sorrow. There has been determination and steely strength. My favorite has to be your laughter, mirth sparkling from those glorious blue depths, beaconing everyone around you to join in. There has been flirtation and joy, confusion and pain, even passion and desire. I once thought I saw those things flashed at me, quickly hidden, but I was never sure. I think that those beautiful eyes of yours, gazing at me with love and longing, and undisguised desire would be my undoing. That would quickly become my favorite I think. Undoing… hell what am I thinking? I have loved you forever. You are the missing part of my soul.

*Electric blues eyes, always be near me. Electric blue eyes I need you.

I stand here staring out the window in your ready room while you ramble on about reports. I am a fool for allowing these thoughts to continue to plague me. I really don't know why I do it. Sometimes I can accept our friendship for what it is, and sometimes… sometimes it comes back and slaps me in the head and tells me to pay attention. I don't suppose any of us can control who we fall in love with. Perhaps it is the smile they wear, or hidden facets about their personality we discover, something we never expected to find, that makes them all the more precious to us. Perhaps it is a touch, like the time your hand curled against my chest, or the words "I can't imagine a day without you…" I can't. I can't imagine my life without you in it in some capacity. Perhaps that is why I don't push. Perhaps that is why I wait and watch and content myself with just being near you. Did you know that I listen to you breath sometimes and wish that I had the right to watch you sleep? To hold you as you slept?

*If you should go you should know I love you. If you should go you should know I'm here.

I can't stop myself from watching you when you aren't looking. I smile as you order coffee from the replicator. Of course you bring me a cup, it's something you do now without thinking. Personally I think you hope I won't drink it so you can, but I always do. It’s a gift you see, a small token of yourself. I think of how much I miss you during the day, how much I miss your smile if I don't see you. Sometimes you are the only thing that drags me from my bed in the morning. Just knowing I will see you, happy, sad or mad is enough to make me put on my uniform. I can't help myself. I have to taste your moods, experience every part of your life I can get. I don't what I would do if anything ever happened to you.

*Always be near me guardian angel. Always be near me, there's no fear.

"Chakotay?" Your eyes are concerned as you try to get my attention. You always have it, even when it seems you don't. "Chakotay? Are you okay?"

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"You had the strangest, saddest look in your eyes just now when you looked at me. Is something bothering you?" Always concerned, my love. A fierce little warrior guarding her crew. That's what you are.

"What did you say?"

"What?"

"What made you call me that? Your love?"

My mouth drops open as I realize I've spoken out loud. "Because you are. I love you." Your eyes widen with shock but there is no taking back the words. "I can offer no apologies. We must move on from here because no matter how afraid I am to lose your friendship, I need you to know I love you. I need to know… that you love me."

"Chakotay… I…"

I grasp your hands in mine and pull you closer. There for just an instant I see the war you wager. I see the answer I seek fighting valiantly forth through those glorious depths. "Admit it Kathryn, please. Admit it if just this once that I'm not dreaming or seeing things or imagining things that aren't there. I need you. I need you to be my all. I need to be yours as well."

"But the crew, our responsibilities…"

"Those are lame excuses. We will always put the crews needs above our own because we will always be their commanding officers. We will see to our responsiblities. But, what about us Kathryn? What about the things we want and need and desire? I want to be your first officer. I want to be your friend. But most of all, I want to be your lifemate and lover, the person you can confide in about everything, whose life is a part of yours. I want to wake up next to you in the morning and go to sleep curled around you at night. I want to hold you when your sad and listen to all your dreams. And, I want you to want me to be all these things and to want them from me as well. What do you want?"

Your eyes lock with mine and I see the struggle there. As I watch they change, fascinating little swirls of desire forming. Happiness and caution mingle with hope and fear. As you wrap your arms around me and pull me down for a kiss, I know we will have those things. I know we have won.

Fin~

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