I am proud to host Nada's stories and very much honored that he would take the time to respond inkind to one of my stories. If you have not read Freefall, than this piece may not make much sense. Please send all feedback on this piece to Nada. He is a budding author, and like most of us, thrives on feedback.
Standard disclaimers: All things Voyager and Trek belong to Paramount etc. Story belongs to me.
PG
Always Kathryn by Nada
Still I cannot believe her words. Mentally I pinch myself to makes sure this is not a dream. Because forever, I have wanted this to happen.
"I am afraid." I hear her barely say, as if she was fighting within herself. Do not be afraid. I am here and will always be. Trying to tell her this telepahically, I can only wait.
"Dare I let go of this net, close my eyes and jump?" Again her soft voice whispers.
In my mind I see her on a high wire balancing herself ever so cautiously. In my heart I see her teetering ever so close to a cliff's edge. I want to run to her. Throw my arms around and tell the answers she so desperately wants to hear. Still, strangely, I cannot . I want, need to hear her say my name. I cannot approach her first. This is her decision I must hear, her decision to jump into the unknown.
"Chakotay, will you catch me?" Seeing her in this turmoil, I cannot stand there speechless any longer. Perhaps listening this way was wrong of me. Yet I had to, my love please understand.
"Always Kathryn..." I answer, afraid to say anything more. I see the shock in her eyes. Her mind wonders how long I have been standing there. It does not matter. She knows I have been standing like this from the very start. Waiting and wondering, I have to endure this moment. Again I can see the internal struggle waging itself inside her. I hold out my hand. "Jump Kathryn. I will catch you. We can fall together , never alone." We look into each other's eyes, searching and finding answers together. Doubts fill her eyes, and my heart, as she hesitates. The decisive momet pounds in my chest, I cannot breathe. I want to decide for her, for us. Yet ultimately the choice is hers. She is the one in doubt, the one who questions.
I can remembner all those talks about love we had as friends. Like an onion, we would peel a fragile layer analyzing our feelings. I tried not to cry, not to feel. Still, so much I want to hold her hand, kiss her lips, yet could not. With each new layer being discovered, more tears and emotions would well up inside me. Until I can release,until then I will cry for our love. Now I imagine she is doing the same.
I can feel her through whispered words and unspoken glances. She does not touch the skin, yet she gives me chills. Look at me. I beg her. I am naked with nothing to hide. Take my heart that lays bare and cut me deep. If that is what it takes to trust my soul. Would I say, would I pledge, would I promise these things by saying I love you... If by saying, I love you means I will always love you unconditionally? Kathryn I love you.
Finally and triumphantly she accepts my hand. It is a small step I know. Still, it was made together. One of many more to come, perhaps, I have got nothing but time.
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